Earth Log Entry #1: A Prohibition Against Doubling
Sonny had been on Earth exactly one week when he discovered something magical: The gym.
A place where humans voluntarily lifted heavy objects and grunted like territorial moose. Sonny felt right at home.
He went once in the morning. He enjoyed it. A lot. So naturally…he wanted to go again.
He slipped on a shirt, laced up his shoes, and was halfway out the door when Chad intercepted him like a panicked football cornerback. “Bro-bro-bro-BRO. You can’t go to the gym twice in one day.”
Sonny froze. “Why not?”
Chad blinked. Then blinked again. “Well…it’s weird, dude.”
Sonny looked genuinely concerned. “Weird… how?”
“You’ll be THAT Guy,” Chad said, waving his iced coffee around dramatically. “The overachiever guy. The too-much guy. The employees will notice. They’ll judge you.”
Sonny nodded slowly like Chad had just revealed deep Earth wisdom. “Earth custom prohibits…doubling?”
“It’s not a RULE,” Chad said. “It’s just…NOBODY does that.”
Sonny tilted his head, processing. “But…I enjoyed it. I simply wish to enjoy it twice.”
“Yeah, that’s the problem,” Chad said.
Sonny’s eyes widened. “There is a limit on joy?”
“No! No, not joy—just gyms. You can’t be a ‘two-a-day guy.’ People talk.”
Sonny stared at him with deep alien sincerity. “Chad…humans are fragile.” Then he walked out the door anyway.
Later, he returned glowing—literally a slightly brighter shade of #e88368—and talked aloud as he wrote an entry into his Earth Log device:
Humans possess many prohibitions. Gym duplication appears to be one of them. I do not understand. I enjoyed both visits.
Chad muttered under his breath as he swiped on a dating app, “Of course you did.”